All designs

69 original Magic: The Gathering puns. Pick one to see it on a tee, hoodie, mug, sticker or magnet.

Keywords

• I'll read the card after it hits you.
• Deathtouch. One is plenty.
• Shroud: "Wow, I can't even target myself?"
• Trample and double strike: Nobody knows how it works, but it's provocative, and it sounds cool.
• Not ignoring you, phased out and role playing.
• Actually, it does have haste.

Card Puns

• Brainstorm. Put two back. Regret both.
• Dark Ritual: borrowing mana from future me.
• Counterspell, in one word: No.
• Sorry I exiled it. Here, have some life.
• Two open mana. Zero tricks. Full confidence.
• Time Walk: an extra turn to overthink it.
• Goblin Guide gave you a land. You're welcome.
• I don't lose. I Wrath and start over.
• Lightning Bolt: still 3 damage, still not fair.
• Sol Ring: I'm sorry. No, I'm not.
• Path to Exile: go get a basic land, you'll be fine.

Colors

• Red: I don't need a plan. I need you at 3 life.
• Green: my plan is a bigger creature.
• Blue: I'll think about it on your turn.
• Black: pay 2 life? I'll pay 20.
• White: the rules protect everyone. Mostly me.
• Mono-Red: turn four or bust.
• Five colors. One land in hand.
• Black-Green: my graveyard is a to-do list.
• Blue-Black: I know what's in your hand.
• Blue-Red: draw two, discard both, call it value.
• Red-Green: big creature, bad attitude.
• Green-White: go wide, sit back, count tokens.
• White-Black: I gain 1. You lose 1. Repeat until you're dead.
• Black-Red-Green: three colors, all of them angry.
• Colorless: fits in every deck, belongs to no one.

Formats and Life

• One land? I'd keep.
• Last game. (Said four games ago.)
• The problem:
• The problem:
• The problem:
• The problem: YOU
• Hold on, can I read that?
• Okay, maybe I am the problem after all.
• Stay back: will irresponsibly go halfsies on a play box with you.
• Commander is a lifestyle.
• Deck: 100 cards. Maybe board: 99 cards.
• Can I spend HSA on EDH?
• I don't netdeck. I suffer creatively.
• Playing EDH since before it was cool.

Attitude

• Sorry, I have a response.
• Any responses? (Please say no.)
• I counted twice. It's lethal.
• I came, I saw, I scooped.
• Respond? In this economy?
• I'm not arguing. I'm explaining the stack.
• Big mana pool, small social battery.
• Draw-go is a personality trait.
• All my threats are existential.
• Exile me before Monday.
• Tapped out, emotionally and literally.
• Infinite combo, finite patience.
• I play to win, then lose anyway.
• I'm not salty. I'm seasoned.
• My deck is fine. The shuffler hates me, they keep cutting it wrong, and the Sol Ring taped under the table keeps coming loose.

Artifacts

• Exponential Threads
• Half-Hearted Gear
• Garb of Dividing by Zero
• Attire of Infinity Minus One
• Threads of Unshown Work
• Threads of Unshown Work
• Order of Operations Outfit
• Odds Are